During the summer months, the common ritual of job finding becomes a reality for many high school and college students. During that time we try to one up our fellow pupils by finding the biggest and most impressive jobs for 3-4 months out of our lives. I, like the other money hungry slaves, went looking for the perfect job and what did I find: the perfect cover. You see, I work in a bankruptcy law firm as an office clerk. To many who found themselves desperately seeking legit jobs and falling short, this sounds like a great job: My own office, a 35 hr work week, a chance to get chummy with fellow lawyers in case I need a recommendation or two in the future, and a good salary. In actuality, I am, in fact, in Dante's Inferno. Although I'm not sure which circle of Hell I am currently in, I'd say it's the one where everyday is characterized by extreme boredom, leg cramps, and 30 somethings gossiping. I'd say that's either the 3rd or 4th circle.
Anyhoo, every moment of my day could have easily been a scene in the movie Office Space ( minus the stealing of company funds) or The Office in the regards that no one really does any work. A typical day in the office goes as follows:
8:30
I reluctantly arrive @ work with my Red Bull and a smile while several "Good Morning" s ricochet off cubicle walls
9:30
Man shows up @ front door. Rings bell to get in. 80s hair lady with an addition to hairspray ( who is coincidentally going to cosmetology school in the fall ) signs him in. He tries to talk his way out of his check garnishment. She says, " (in southern accent) Baby, life's hard. We all gots problems." He pays and leaves cursing under his breath.
11:15
Lunch for most of the soccretaries. This is usually the time when the 3 men on a lonely island of about 15 bitter women re-enter the world after locking themselves in their offices to avoid the daily verbal lashing of the various women scorned among the soccretaries. In case you are not hip to this term, it's what I use to describe the women I work with. They are btwn the ages of 25-40, separated with 1-2 kids btwn the ages of 6 months-10, and pass the day by finding excuses to bring up the many accomplishments of their children such as " OMG you guys, Susie said the cuttest thing the other day" or " Yall, look at this picture Jamie took today. Isn't he just the cuttest." Conversation initiated with these lines usually start up every 20 mins or so.
12:30
Soccretaries return and men go out to lunch. The ones that stay scurry back into their offices and pretend to be too busy to talk.
1:00
I down another Redbull and curse my life. IPod battery dies and my ears must re-enter the world of " Around the Watercooler."
1:30
Out to lunch. My world is right again as I rush home to take a 20 min nap.
2:30
Hours of 8:30- 11 are repeated on loop as the soundtrack to every SpongeBob and Veggie Tales episode blasts in the background. Vocals provided by the three women in the office who never seem to have any work.
3:00-4:45
Random screams from both men and women from a spotting of the evening rat. I have never seen this infamous rat but he seems to leave his mark on the desk of various co-worker's cubicles much like that of Zorro but instead of a Z he leaves poop.
5:00
FREEDOM!!!!! For a little while at least. Don't even get me started on the joys of living with your anal retentive mother in the summer.
I'm sure you're wondering: " Bethany, what are you doing during all of this time? Do you join the soccretaries? Are you known to engage in the daily she lady man hating sessions?
No friends. You can usually find me knee deep in filing cabinets with bandaids on most of my fingers. My job is to file all the loose leaf crap that everyone else prepares. I guess you could call me " The official S. Law firm Bitch, " The loose leaf loser" " The alphabetizing asswipe" " The folder finding fool." Anyways, such talking about my jobs depresses me. Instead, i've created this drawing (above) to accurately describe a day in the life of Bethaboo. Please enjoy my artistic abilities as, sadly, it took me about 30 mins to create this beautiful image whereas i know believe writing about it might have been slightly less time-consuming.
I've done all these things
I can write no more about this event. I must go. More to come soon. I'll leave you with this quote to sum up.
“Put the key of despair into the lock of apathy. Turn the knob of mediocrity slowly and open the gates of despondency - welcome to a day in the average office.”
